The last first day..

Today was my LAST first day of school (most likely) EVER - and, I believe, a noteworthy blog topic. That's such a crazy thing to comprehend. I've gone to school from the time I was 3 years old until now. I'm 21 and have never known a spring or a fall without spending the majority of my day inside a class room either learning or dreaming (mostly dreaming). To think that this chapter of my life is coming to a close is really quite surreal. Until just after May 15, 2010, I will have followed the usual plan. There seem to be about 6 chapters of the adult life as far as I can tell with my young, and probably naive mind. Of which, I've only almost completed one.

1) Education

2) Career

3) Dating/Marriage

4) Have Kids

5) Die

It looks like I've still got four to go but that seems terribly boring. I kind of hate plans. I try to avoid them as often as possible. I don't know where I'll be in ten years or five years or even tomorrow. HOWEVER, I do KNOW that the Author of this book has it all planned and under control. As of right now, all I want to in chapter 2 is play and write music. I'll update anyone who may be reading this as soon as I begin this chapter and feel like there is some significant news. Pray for me.

To shift topics a bit, I woke up this morning with a terrible feeling in my stomach. I felt the need to pray for a very close friend and I did. After praying I was unable to fall back asleep and began thinking of where my life is going. In a state of confusion, I got ready for my LAST first day of school as I continued to pray about the uncertainty that is my life. On mornings like this one, I feel like I'm wandering through an unfamiliar darkness with a dying flashlight. As I continued to pray, I asked for God to take away this feeling of uneasiness and replace it with a feeling of hope and clear understanding. After about an hour the feeling was still not gone and was only getting worse. I was reminded of Paul's vision in 2 Corinthians chapter 12 when he speaks of the thorn in his flesh.. "...there was given me a thron in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." -2 Corinthians 12:7-10.

This passage has carried me through some of the most difficult and trying periods of my life and has continued to do so. It was not Paul's elegant words, BUT the Almighty God's power and ability to discipline His children in a way that will help me understand that "when I am weak, then I am strong".

EVEN STILL, this passage did not comfort me. For this first time, I am seeing the deeper meaning in these ancient words. This passage wasn't always meant to give me comfort. THIS TIME, it was meant to help me understand. Finally, I decided to go to class. I put on my coat and backpack and started to walk out the door when I sat down in my chair and had a strong feeling that it wasn't yet time to enter the world, unsure and slightly depressed. I prayed one last morning prayer and felt that I NEEDED to read the January 13th page of a devotional book that I've read for years since my grandmother gave it to me shortly after I became a Christian. I found the book and this is what it said..

"You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You. Cast your burden on the Lord, and He shall sustain you; He shall never permit the righteous to be moved. I will trust and not be afraid; for YAH, the Lord is my strength and my song; He also has become my salvation.

Why are you fearful, O You of little faith? Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. In quietness and confidence shall be your strength.

The work of righteousness will be peace, and the effect of righteousness, quietness and assurance forever. Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives to I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid. Peace from Him who is and who was and who is to come."

Isa. 26:3, Ps 55:22, Isa. 12:2, Matt. 8:26, Phil. 4:6-7, Isa. 30:15, Isa. 32:17, John 14:27, Rev. 1:4

Incredible. That's all I can say. Absolutely incredible. I didn't even deserve for my untrusting mind to be set at ease but God's mercy was abounding in that moment. I immediately became completely calm and all of my discomfort was relieved. Thank you Lord.

As for the girl who I felt the need to pray for; she called me later that day and told me a story of how she needed prayer that morning.. guess when? Just when I was praying for her. I witnessed more than one miracle today. God is always good, even in the hard times, even through uncertainty. He CAN give a "peace which surpasses all understanding". Today was the last first day of what I hope will be a renewed outlook on life and the beginning of a deeper faith.

-bobby